FreeWheeling

11th Edition

Summer is in full swing, which means fewer players have been around because they are supposedly enjoying real life (imagine that!). Meanwhile, work, upgrades and other silliness have been continuing as always at your favourite game. Earlier in the summer, TerraFirmA was featured on the UK television show, cyber.cafe--a bit of welcome publicity (see more in game news below).

Two new "Tales of Terra" are included in this issue of FreeWheeling, and anyone who wants to write a story about some aspect of the game is encouraged to! Send your submissions to bhursta@tidalwave.net (as well as any FW submissions you have!). The tales should be relatively short, and will be included in future editions of FW as well as the possibility of their being added into the new READ command at the Hamelin Library on the game! It would probably be best to check the story idea with me (BabyGirl) before writing it, as stories for several quests / areas / personalities on the game have already been written. The theme for the rest of this issue is "computers", enjoy.

BabyGirl (Editor) 


CONTENTS

  • NEWS
  • TALES OF TERRA
  • WHAT TO DO WITH A 300 BPS MODEM
  • MEN, WOMEN & COMPUTERS
  • THIS JUST IN...
  • DESPERATELY SEEKING GATES
  • STUPID COMPUTER TRICKS
  • LYNX... ERR, I MEAN LINKS!



  • CONTRIBUTORS TO THIS ISSUE: Luckyspin, Lucas, BabyGirl, Mav

    NEWS

    Game News

    Earlier this summer, TerraFirmA was one of the topics on the UK television show cyber.cafe! Several people from the game had a get-together before the taping, including Luckyspin, Lucas, Bambi, Portia, Wildthing and StGeorge (a couple of photos are available at the TF web site, http://www.terrafirma.ohl.dk/Meet/pictures.html). The cyber.cafe episode web page where TF is mentioned can be found at http://www.meridian.tv.co.uk/cyber/s2prog25.html .

    Lots of work has gone on over the summer on some new areas and features that will soon be brought into the game. This includes a new quest, Wombles (written by Cyn), and an entirely re-written Newbie zone to replace Genesis (written by Lister and BabyGirl). Last but not least, there will be an improved leveling system with more levels, which will be based on credits as well as experience! We hope this new system will seem fairer to all our players.

    Regrettably, the news as far as the Terradome is concerned is that plans are being made to shut the old "dome" down. The reasoning behind this is that there simply aren't enough (admin) resources to keep BOTH terra adventures running satisfactorily as independent games. This was a tough decision to make, but we feel it will benefit players more in the long run to concentrate all our efforts and improvements on TerraFirmA, so we can keep making sure it is the very best game out there! However, we want to assure all the current players/runners at TD that their character's stats/level, etc. on TD at the time of shut down WILL be transferred over to TF! So there is no reason to fear that running at TD right now will be useless to you... unless you do already happen to have a character at TF that is of higher standing of course!

    Player News

    Many were in attendance at the MUD wedding of StGeorge and Wildthing at TF on June 12 at the River Bank in Nibelung. The ceremony was performed by BabyGirl, with ScotXray as Best Man, Bliss as Bridesmaid, Kirra as Maid of Honour and Zaphod as Father of the Bride.

    There are a slew of new counsels at TF since the last issue! Congrats go out to: Farout, StGeorge, Wildthing, Wileycat, Bliss, and (yes he finally made it!) Zaphod.

    Web News

    The TerraFirmA web site (http://www.terrafirma.ohl.dk/), which recently re-opened (after being moved), will soon have its look updated and re-vamped. The large project will take a little while, but keep an eye out.


    Back To Contents


    TALES OF TERRA

    THE BARREN LANDS

    by N. Jackson-Smythe, Archaeologist and Explorer

    It is a wonderful view that meets the eye when you travel up into the glacier regions. The fantastic tundra stretches away as far as the eye can see, pure whiteness broken in just a few places by the growth of rare flowers; such flowers are found only in such climates, and they are indeed truly beautiful. Of course, one must watch out for the frozen lakes; they can be found all over the glacier and in some places the ice can be dangerously thin, but they are possible to navigate if you proceed with caution. One area I found to be of particular interest were the ice caverns, their truly beautiful stalactites and stalagmites making them a place that can only be appreciated by viewing in person; it would impossible to try and describe their awesome beauty here. Of course, there are also the fantastic carvings that have been made in the flint walls by the natives, portraying truly wonderful imagery regarding life in the Glacier regions; certainly another must see. The quantity and quality of the tufa found in these caves is enormous and certainly exciting to any serious geologist.

    Although the Glacier regions are beautiful, they are nonetheless dangerous, the lands full of dangerous creatures. One such creature is the gigantic mammoth; these animals must be avoided at all costs. Although docile when alone, the mammoth can rapidly become aggressive if you go near, as it tends to feel threatened by another's presence. On the whole, I thoroughly recommend a visit to this region; it's an experience that you could never forget.


    THE BANISHMENT OF THE DJINNI

    The war was over. Everywhere, evil creatures were being hunted out and routed from the lands, their once formidable power having diminished. Their power was now encapsulated within the powerstones. It was the mages of the Elven King Dinthiar who discovered how to weaken the demons using the special stones, shortly before they were defeated themselves when Asmodeus and the Lich made their mark on the land. Using the powerstones, the mages were able to absorb any and all of the magical energy expended by the Djinni's forces when casting spells; by doing this, the demons were eventually weakened enough to enable the mortals to launch a viscious counterattack. Thousands died on both sides as the lines of battle shifted back and forth, but eventually the demons could hold no longer. The Djinni, the leader of the demon army, was quickly captured and encased in magical irons. Hours later, at the Elven Council inside the Grand Mallorn, the Djinni was sentenced, and thus the Djinni was banished to the Wasted Plane--to remain there for evermore. Even now, the Djinni remains there with his minions, planning his escape and subsequent return to the world, to seek his revenge.


    Back To Contents



    WHAT TO DO WITH A 300 BPS MODEM

    • Put it under a door and you have a door stop 
    • Put it on a shelf and you have a bookend 
    • Put it on top of some papers and you have a paperweight 
    • Cut some holes and tell your friends you bought it in Holland 
    • Attach balloons and it becomes one of those things they use to hold balloons 
    • Sell it to someone as a universal adapter 
    • Put a light bulb in it and you have a decorative walkway light 
    • Use it as a coaster for your favorite drink 
    • Sell it to a complete idiot by convincing him it is faster than a 14.4 
    • Give it to your Uncle, he'll find something to do with it 
    • Save water by putting it in the toilet tank! It could be one of those useless props at a school play 
    • Get a hammer and vent your stress on it 
    • Make a few adjustments and turn it into a radio 
    • Use the parts to make a board game 
    • Take it out when the guests come over and it is a decoration 
    • Put it on the Christmas tree and it is an ornament! 
    • Use it as a foot rest 
    • Take it to sports games and have it signed like a baseball 
    • Call up PROTOVISION with it (WarGames, the movie) 
    • Attach it to the Principal's laptop computer and say it is a tumor 
    • Sell the parts to a techie nerd and make a lot of money 
    • Use it to stop your car in an emergency 
    • Sell it to the Tabloids and say it is possessed by Elvis 
    • Attach some strings and use it as a sled 
    • Use it as a murder weapon 
    • Threaten your little brother with it 
    • Get all of your friends' 300 BPS modems and make a house out of them all 
    • Use it to keep your dog in place in the yard 
    • Need a quick science project? Bring in your modem! 
    • Strap it onto your head and pretend that you are Cadet Stimpy 
    • You know how there are pet rocks? How about a pet modem? 
    • Sell it to an idiot for $100 and buy yourself a faster modem 
    • Stick it on the wall and call it art
    • Use it as a stepping stool 
    • If you have a big dog, give it to him as a chew toy 
    • Put it in the attic and one day, it may be worth MONEY! 
    • Give it to the neighbors 
    • Use it as a subject for painting (still life) 
    • Make it into a tunnel for your slot cars 
    • Use it as a booster chair 
    • Take it to an antique shop 
    • Throw it in the lake 
    • Trade it in for a new life 
    • Bury it 
    • Throw it out 


    Back To Contents



    MEN, WOMEN & COMPUTERS

    The war of the sexes takes to cyberspace with these uncannily apt observations....


    FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
    2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
    3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
    4. The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
    5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

    TEN WAYS MEN ARE LIKE COMPUTERS

    1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
    2. A better model is always just around the corner.
    3. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
    4. It is always necessary to have a backup.
    5. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
    6. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
    7. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
    8. The lights are on but nobody's home.
    9. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
    10. Size does matter.


    Back To Contents



    THIS JUST IN...

    Courtesy of http://www.theonion.com/:

    WASHINGTON, D.C.--In what White House officials are calling "a regrettable and 
    admittedly very frustrating turn of events," President Clinton forgot to hit the 
    "save" key to store the 10 million-word, 175,000-page federal budget on his 
    computer Monday. The simple user error will cost American taxpayers an estimated 
    $300 trillion.
    The error, which occurred late at night when no one was around to offer the President 
    much-needed technical assistance, will force the Republican-controlled Congress to 
    re-draft the document from scratch, as well as re-vote on all previously passed 
    budget amendments.
    "I feel really bad about this," President Clinton said at a White House briefing 
    yesterday. "I guess I was just really tired."
    According to the President's White House advisor, Lynne McMurtry, the President was 
    making minor changes to the only existing draft of the budget at 3:30 a.m. Monday. He
    had yet to make a floppy disk back-up, and when the screen suddenly opened a window 
    that asked if he wanted to save changes to the document, a confused Clinton made the 
    critical error of accidentally hitting "no." Then, in an unexpected turn of events, his
    file server showed an error (Type -1), causing his screen to freeze.
    "I was moving the mouse to highlight a proposed welfare cut, when all of a sudden,
    it just stopped moving," Clinton said. "The computer crashed. I really should have 
    hit save a long time ago."
    Added McMurtry: "People make these kinds of mistakes all the time.
    It is unfortunate that it had to happen to the federal budget. In the future, we 
    will be sure to make a backup copy and keep it on Vice President Gore's computer."
    Compounding matters was that retrieval of the lost document became impossible when,
    out of frustration, Clinton slid his chair back rapidly, pulling the computer's 
    plug out of the wall and shutting off the entire system.
    "When I re-booted, there was nothing there," Clinton said. "Nothing. Not even 
    my little yellow 'stickie' reminding me to sign that health care bill next week."
    With no one else to turn to, Clinton called Jeff, a long-time friend who is, 
    according to White House reports, "very good with computers."  Clinton sent Air 
    Force One to Jeff's Little Rock-area home and had him picked up and airdropped onto the
    White House roof. The President then led him to the machine and asked him to "fix it."
    Since Clinton had already restarted the computer, the unsaved budget was lost 
    forever, despite Jeff's best retrieval efforts.  Jeff, who has a subscription to 
    Ultimate ROM magazine, could not be reached for comment, as he is, according to 
    Clinton, "very shy."
    Although the President had been expected to veto the proposed budget, the 
    decision-making process will now be delayed indefinitely until a new budget is 
    written. Republicans did not respond warmly to that prospect.
    "Someone has to type the whole thing over," said an angry Newt Gingrich from his 
    weekend retreat at the Institute for Advanced Cybernetics at the University of 
    Illinois at Champaign-Urbana. "I can assure you of one thing--the Republican 
    Party will not get stuck retyping it."
    Clinton, meanwhile, is doing his part to make up for his mistake by agreeing to 
    appear in a series of public service announcements, along with Jennifer Aniston 
    of the smash-hit NBC sitcom Friends, to boldly speak out against forgetting to 
    hit save, and other computer-related mishaps.
    "I hope these spots will go a long way toward raising Americans' awareness of the 
    user error issue," Clinton said. "I certainly learned a valuable lesson."
    Added Aniston: "It's totally 'cool' to hit save. I'm going to tell all my 
    friends about it."


    Back To Contents



    DESPERATELY SEEKING GATES

    An actual "letter to the editor" from the CNET NEWS.COM Dispatch....

    LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Please address your letters to letters@dispatch.cnet.com.
    > PLEASE SEND ME BILL GATES'S EMAIL 
    > I read your daily newsletter, and now I need the following information. 
    > Please send me: 
    > Bill Gates's email; 
    > Hackers BBS; 
    > About Black Box Device. 
    > Of course, if you have the information. Thank you.
    [Ed.: Get the feeling we haven't heard the last from this guy?]


    Bill Gates recently had 100 of his closest friends over to dinner. Service was impeccable and highly personalized. To wit, here is a list of the dinners served to the high-tech CEOs present:



    Back To Contents



    STUPID COMPUTER TRICKS

    So you think you're computer-illiterate? Check out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by Jim Carlton --

    Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

    AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

    Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

    Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

    Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

    Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

    Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

    A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

    An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

    Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

    True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
         Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
         Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
         Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period.
          How do I go about getting that fixed?"
         Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
         Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
         Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you
          receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup
          holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
         Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
    At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stop laughing. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!


    Back To Contents



    LYNX... ERR, I MEAN LINKS!

    http://www.mydesktop.com/  "The Ultimate Site For YOUR Desktop"
    http://www.cnet.com/ CNET: The Computer Network
    http://www.excite.com/channel/computers/?a-chc-t Excite Channel: Computers & Internet
    http://www.happypuppy.com/ HappyPuppy.Com - Games
    http://www.hotfiles.com/ ZDNet Software Library
    http://www.tucows.com/ TUCOWS - Software


    Back To Contents



    Thus ends the 11th issue of FreeWheeling. Thanks to everyone who subscribes--the list is over 90 people and growing!! We look forward to seeing old and new faces on the game soon, after the summer break is over! Look for the next issue of FreeWheeling to be the super-scary Halloween edition.



    A FRIENDLY REMINDER. . . . DON'T BYTE OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW!