Ghoulish greetings to you as Halloween nears.... Autumn is upon us and everyone has felt a chill in the air by now. A new version of TerraFirmA has come in, and Terradome, alas, is no more (see news, below).
BabyGirl (Editor)
The new levelling system has now been installed into the game, as you may have noticed! This system is based upon both credits and experience, with added player levels. The amount of experience that quests are worth was adjusted to match the new system and a new quest, Wombles, written and coded by Cyn, was added. Also put in was a new "newbie" zone to introduce players to the game. This zone is based on a "storybook" theme with small puzzles and tasks for newbies to complete and was written by BabyGirl and Lister, with coding by Luckyspin.
As was planned, the Terradome was shut down on September 29, 1997. The "Last Night" party on TD was attended by many. As chaos and confusion ensued, all six hundred and five mobiles on the game were wiped out in a melee of death and earthquakes repeatedly shook the dome to its foundations.
Recent Untouchable promotions include Cryogenius and Lister to Master and MindFlayer, Bambi and Nirvana to Stalwart. Congratulations! No new apprentices or counsels since the last issue, players: get to work!
The TerraFirmA web site renovation is nearing completion... keep an eye out for announcements of the new look on the game.
It was a lovely, sunny day when Farmer Giles made his trip into town to
purchase supplies; he had run out of petrol for his tractor. It was
a rare second trip this week, the previous day his engine had packed up
because one of the sparkplugs had fallen into disrepair, so he had to go
and buy a new one.
"Dang and blast, Janet," said Giles on his return from the village. "I tripped over this branch on the way back and spilt the petrol for my tractor! Not to mention the fact that I lost that new sparkplug I bought only yesterday." Giles was not impressed, and neither was his wife, Janet. She knew how they struggled to survive as it was.
"Superb, Giles," she said. "Wonderful! Now what shall we do?"
"I really don't know, my dear, I really don't. I suppose
I'd better see if I can find that dratted sparkplug, and mop up the petrol,"
replied Giles. And off he went to search his farm, to try and find the
missing sparkplug.
I remember well the orphan Viola, whose parents mysteriously disappeared
many years ago. They had both gone off, well equipped, into the frozen
wastes to the north, having read that villagers there were offering a
large reward to anyone who could rid them of a polar bear that is
terrorising their village. They were never heard from again.
The poor little girl, left alone to fend for herself, started to wander frequently in the broad woods around her parents' mansion, with her dog Ottimo at her side for protection. Sometimes one would hear her thin, plaintive voice crying out from the forest.
Once, Viola said, she found a "dark place" underneath a tree. She heard strange sounds coming from the hole, and this frightened her, so she never goes near the dark hole any more.
Viola told me a fantastic story, however, about a beautiful lady she found in the forest one day. She said they talked for hours, and she told me that the lady was quite upset to hear about the missing parents. Again and again she would return to the forest and meet the lady there. One day, Viola told me, the lady magically created a little boy! She told Viola that the boy was there to keep her company and be a playmate, and she could name him whatever she wanted to. So she named him "Cosimo".
Cosimo and Viola had great fun: roaming about the forest and into town, raiding every room of the mansion, playing house by dressing up and having tea parties. They had even made up the kind of imaginary world that can only come from a child's imagination, she called it "The Republic of Arborea". But Cosimo turned out to be a bit unruly, and sometimes unpredictably violent, and this didn't fit well with Viola's demanding character. Often they would quarrel, Viola retreating to her mansion, and Cosimo sulking in a tree house which sits in the branches of the large trees in the surrounding area.
To this day, I assume Viola and Cosimo are both still there, with the dog Ottimo, the masters of their own little "Republic of Arborea". As for the beautiful lady, I cannot say for sure if she ever existed, as I've never seen her with my own eyes....
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right--as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system.
I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.
Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.
I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
Last year, many women upgraded their BOYFRIEND 1.0 to BOYFRIEND PLUS 2.0 (marketing name: FIANCE 1.0) and then further upgraded FIANCE 2.5 to HUSBAND 3.0. They found that 3.0 is a memory hogger and incompatible to many other programs in their lives. HUSBAND 3.0 includes plug-ins such as MOTHER-IN-LAW, BROTHER-IN-LAW, and ANNOYING LOSER FRIENDS although market research has clearly shown that they are unnecessary and unwanted.
The upcoming BOYFRIEND 4.0 will change all that. Created by leading experts in the field and based upon years of research and classroom lectures, it includes the best of the old features, such as the HANDYMAN FUNCTION, and includes many new functions such as the OPTIONAL COMMITMENT FEATURE. Other immature functions, such as BEER GUZZLING and CAT CALLING have been removed, though they can still be found on FRATBOY 1.1
BOYFRIEND 4.0 will include:
***** BUG WARNING ********
All previous versions of Boyfriend
are inaccessible on Sunday afternoons and Monday nights during the football
season. We are trying to rectify this but it seems to be a problem inherent
within the programming.
A disturbing memo was recently found among papers at the German embassy....
This memo will bring you up to date on the latest developments in our plan to conquer Europe through political and economic subterfuge which we have code named Operation: European Union (EU).
As you know, our plans were dealt a terrible blow when the European Commission announced an agreement in which English will be the official language of the EU, rather than our cherished German, (which was the other possibility). As part of the negotiations, our agents planted within Her Majesty's Government managed to convince those who were pushing for that most hated language that English spelling had some room for improvement. They have now accepted a 5-year phase-in of new rules which would apply to the language and reclassify it as Euro-English.
The agreed plan is as follows:
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KOM TRU!
Yaz's name--It takes a licking and keeps on ticking... How many variations and permutations are there? Possibly millions!
BabyGirl says 'you can call her yazzle..'
BabyGirl ducks.
BabyGirl cowers in fear of Yaz.
Yaz bops BabyGirl over the head and says 'Oi, don't do that!'
BabyGirl sniffs.
Yaz hugs BabyGirl.
Muggins says 'yazzle, yazzie or taz?'
Yaz says 'um'
BabyGirl says 'yazster'
Muggins says 'yazmeister'
BabyGirl says 'yaz-o-rama'
Yaz says 'go on, keep going...'
BabyGirl says 'snyazzy'
BabyGirl says 'yazperado'
Yaz grins broadly.
BabyGirl says 'yazsicle'
BabyGirl says 'yazper'
She's on a roll!
Yaz agrees heartily.
Muggins says 'yazmin'
BabyGirl says 'yazable'
BabyGirl says 'yazorea'
BabyGirl says 'yazure
BabyGirl says 'oh duh.. yazilicious'
Yaz laughs her head off.
BabyGirl says 'yazsparilla'
Muggins says 'yazprin'
Yaz grabs her sides and tumbles to the floor in hysterics.
BabyGirl says 'unyazable'
Yaz is enjoyimg this...
BabyGirl says 'yazscii'
Yaz grins broadly.
BabyGirl says 'yazstronaut!'
Yaz grabs her sides and tumbles to the floor in hysterics.
BabyGirl says 'yazliness'
BabyGirl says 'yazus mundi'
BabyGirl says 'exyazperated'
BabyGirl says 'just kick me when you're sick..'
BabyGirl chuckles politely.
Yaz says 'nah, keep going...'
BabyGirl says 'canyazsta'
BabyGirl says 'yazster..'
Muggins says 'eyaztic'
BabyGirl says 'yazket'
Yaz sniggers under her breath.
BabyGirl says 'yazquito'
Yaz grabs her sides and tumbles to the floor in hysterics.
BabyGirl says 'yazardous'
Yaz grabs her sides and tumbles to the floor in hysterics.
BabyGirl says 'yazting'
Yaz grins broadly.
Muggins says 'yazted'
Muggins says 'yazp'
Yaz says 'yaztec camera?'
BabyGirl says 'beyazzed'
BabyGirl says 'or even beyazzled'
BabyGirl says 'yazinator'
Muggins says 'Air YAZ'
Yaz ula?
BabyGirl laughs her head off.
Yaz says 'did we have Yaztastic?'
Yaz stares at BabyGirl's jugular and attacks her soft, pulsating neck.
BabyGirl loses consciousness and fall to the floor!
Yaz smiles happily.
Yaz the Impaler.
BabyGirl grabs her sides and tumbles to the floor in hysterics.
It was dark in here. No, in fact it was pitch black. You could hear shuffling and sounds of people bumping into things, cursing their bad luck. There was also lots of giggling and the occasional groan. I didnt know what to do, where to go, only to move. And move fast. I stumbled about, brushing against bodies unknown, making my way forward, away from where I had been. Anywhere, wherever that was. Someone, something had tried to grab onto my arm but I twisted and turned and managed to escape. Suddenly a scream.
It seemed to go through my mind. I could feel my soul gasp in reaction to the terrifying outburst. I could feel the pain.
Then the light appeared, vanquishing the dark. It cut into my eyes yet was welcoming. I could almost feel its warmth, its touch.
An assortment of people were in unusual positions throughout the Turfe Tavern. Well, when I say people, my eyes were still adapting to the light's brilliance. The first person my bleary eyes could focus on was Luckyspin. He was at the light switch inspecting the results of the game.
'Well...looks like we got ourselves a murder!' he grinned.
There, behind the bar, crumpled and disjointed was the body. Lifeless. Everyone was fumbling about, they too were dazzled by the light, crowding round the bar, eager to see the victim.
'Yep, looks dead to me' agreed Lostris.
I had to agree. It looked dead to me.
'So does that mean we have a murderer in our midst?' queried Bouncy.
'I hope so' replied Luckyspin. 'Now we have to find out who committed the evil deed'.
It was a dark and evil Halloween night in TerraFirmA and to get everyone in the mood for the night's party and fireworks, a game had been suggested. Firefly's suggestion of hunt the typo in TerraFirmA was firmly rejected by all and Mardi's 'Throw the gherkin against the window' game left everyone looking bemused. Murder in the Dark, suggested by Slicer, was accepted as the best of a bad bunch of ideas. And anyway, since Hamelin was peaceful and there hadnt been a tournament in a while, the chance to beat up, attack or just plain insult someone without come back was just too good to miss. That and the chance to get a quick grope of someone you fancied.
'Well, it wasnt me' spoke out Cryogenius. 'I've been slumped in this corner since Valley fell on top of me'. Valley blushed. 'And anyway, we're too far from the body to have committed the murder'.
Everyone noted the distance and agreed with Cryogenius. That was him and Valley out of the suspects.
'It's not in my nature to murder' said Cyn. Everyone tried not to laugh. 'Well it isnt, so you can stop your smirking' she said. I knew Cyn couldnt do it anyway. Something told me she couldnt.
'Anyone for more beer?' she asked.
'How could you?' asked Bambi. 'We've got a dead body'.
'It's only a game' retorted Cyn.
'Fair enough. Got any wine?' replied Bambi.
'Yeah..I'll have a beer too' said Lister.
'And me!' smiled Yaz.
'Ok, Ok, I'm pouring' said Cyn.
And with that the wine and beer started to flow. Plus the obligatory cider and coke for certain individuals. Not mixed, of course! I couldnt handle mixed drinks.
'Err..excuse me? We have a dead body?' muttered Bliss.
'Someone's dead???' gasped the vampire arriving at the Tavern door.
'Yeah, well it's only a game' said Luckyspin.
'Murder in the Dark' added Firefly.
'Well you could've waited till I finished work' bemoaned BabyGirl, taking off her vampire mask. No-one had bothered to tell her it wasnt a fancy dress party. Oh...and Mindflayer too.
'At least I now dont feel out of place' said Mindflayer, looking like a large bewildered womble. I smirked at Mindflayer.
'The body?' pleaded Bliss.
'Oh yes, what will we do with it' said Luckyspin.
'I guess we should examine it for clues' said Wildthing. And with that they decided to. Yaz was the first one to take a closer look.
'There's a familiar smell from the body' she informed everyone.
'That happens after death!' quipped Dios. Everyone moaned.
'No...it's....it's food...bacon..it's bacon' she mused.
'Well that's a great clue' said Wildthing.
'There's some kind of white dust here too'.
With that Cyn made her way to the body. Expertly she traced a finger onto the dust and sucked on her finger. She shivered and quickly drew her breath in. 'Bollocks...it's flour' she sighed.
'Perhaps we should move the body' asked Bliss.
'We dont have to. It's only a game to find out who did the murder' said Cyn.
'I know but it's boring' said Nirvana.
'Yeah..I'm off for another beer' smirked Cyn and so everyone started moving back to their drinks.
'So the game's over?' asked Bliss.
'Umm..I guess so' said Luckyspin. 'Time for some music methinks'. And with that he started to put on some House music. No-one danced.
Bliss shaked the body and told the game was over. But the body didnt move. She nudged it again.
'Something wrong' said Bliss.
'Yeah' said Dios. 'We're down to our last 100 bottles of beer'.
'No..forget the beer' she said.
'I think not' grinned Cyn.
Bliss touched the body checking for warmth. It was cold. Nervously she checked for a pulse. Nothing. She drew back from the body.
'I think it's dead' she whimpered.
'We know. Now have a beer' smiled Bambi.
'No..I think it's really dead'.
Everyone turned towards Bliss and the pathetic body beside her. She looked at it with tears in her eyes. I moved forwards to get a closer look, past everyone else, to see if it was really dead. I looked at Bliss and then the body. It didnt look like a body, just a crumpled mess. So motionless. So dead. No one was saying a word. It was eerily quiet. I looked at the face.
At first I couldnt make out who it was. I blamed the light. It was getting darker. I concentrated. I knew that person. And the murderer did too. It started to come back to me. The darkness, the pain, that scream. The face started to come into vision. It was dark but I could still make out the features. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain. I screamed. Then came the light.
As I drifted away from the room everyone seemed so happy, so giddy. I took one last glance at my murderer. Even she was laughing. Then it all faded away.
| http://www.jmsproductions.com/index.shtml | The Great Halloween Site |
| http://www.netfix.com/poptart/hallo.htm | Halloween Fun |
| http://www.halloween.com/ | Halloween On The Web |
| http://www.atlantic.net/~bdarl/hallow1.html | Halloween |
| http://home.rmci.net/gatemi/index.htm | Halloween Eternal |
| http://www.drcasey.com/index.html | The Cabinet of Dr. Casey - The Horror Web Page |
| http://php.indiana.edu/~shyde/guyhome.html | Guy Fawkes Day |
| http://nicewww.cern.ch/~phjones/jwz/fawkes.htm | Guy Fawkes Explanation |
| http://www.armitstead.com/gunpowder/trial.html | The Trials of ... Guy Fawkes [and the] Conspirators in the Gunpowder-Plot |
| http://www.demon.net/news/promotions/guyfawkes/quiz.html | Guy Fawkes Quiz - Archive |
Hope you enjoyed this fiendish edition. Until Christmas time, and
another issue of FreeWheeling, everyone have a Happy Halloween, Guy Fawke's
Day, Thanksgiving and whatever other holidays there may be out there...!